Acoustically Speaking

Looking forward to the future

2012-02-01T18:13:00.001-08:00

i laughed so hard i thought i'd cry

Krwling

2012-01-23T17:23:00.000-08:00

I feel like the artists of Linkin Park when they penned the words to 'Crawling'

It's haunting how i can't seem
to find myself again
these wall are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
so insecure

Crawling...

i want to shake this feeling...just scared of what i might have to do to shake this...

shake this...not even mike and chester could do it

why do i think i'm different

Simple Man

2011-12-01T09:46:00.000-08:00

i had a meeting for pastoral candidacy recently...they loved me, i made them laugh, they said i had a great head on my shoulders for ministry...but what stresses me time, when we hit that subject i became a candidate for 'burn out' then they used those words 'burn out' 8 more times throughout the meeting...

and i knew it...this was no shock to me, i'd been thinking the same...been feeling like a juggler with so many balls up in the air...schoolwork, work, relationship, friends, me time...constantly juggling the balls watching them in the air criss-crossing...u watch the balls that are important, but u'll know that by watching one ball more closely u lose sight of another...

like all good jugglers they just keep throwing extra balls up, but not for long can they keep them all up, and for me as i watch the balls i know i have to juggle less so i can better control the ones i'm throwing...and the question is do i simply put one ball to the side (and 'control' the decision) or do i juggle until i drop one, which one unclear...

for now they're all up in the air...and i've never been a good juggler

song of the moment: Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd

Much Needed Kick to the Confidence

2011-08-08T21:29:00.001-07:00

lately my confidence has been low...and by lately i mean a good chunk of time...and it was just that what was happening at the present time was a large change from the past that i was trying to reflect into my present, and i thought that lack of past exploits was me...and i think i can say i got depressed at times and it was like a funk i couldn't get out of...it was something i was so used to having...and i took it for granted and when it was gone...it felt like a big hole...

but over the time that hole's been getting smaller...still down sometimes but it's not as harsh..doesn't last as long...hole gets smaller...til now...hole is gone...confidence is back...it just took a little balls but in a week it turned around...the change of scenery helps...no one i know no judgement...now it's time to take this confidence back...to where it's familiar...i think i can do that...i know i can

19 2 32

Lyrical Thought

2011-07-09T11:30:00.001-07:00

I know i've been holding it in
the way i feel about you
something i've been dying to say
but i don't know how you'll take it
oh please don't go
you should know...

these three words
i've been holding back
and trying to fight
I'mma let em out
these three words
gotta let you know
so here i go...

Go Screw Yourself

what am i?

2011-05-25T23:44:00.000-07:00

new...
everlasting...
tainted...
puppy...
first...
endless...
modern...
chemical...
blind...
true...
past...
strange...
kid...
unrequited...
undying...
crazy...
tough...
real...
only...
lost...
secret...
passionate...

...and those are just the ones a guy like me could think of...

I swear this time I mean It

2011-05-12T10:33:00.000-07:00

Alberta please be Still tonight
don't disturb this Love Of mine
Look how She's So Serene
You've gotta help me Out
And count the Stars to form the Lines
And find the Words We'll Sing In time
I Wanna keep her dreamin'
It's my One Wish
I Won't forget this

I'm Outdated, Overrated
morning Seems So far Away

So I'll Sing A melody
And hope to god She's Listening
Sleeping Softly While I Sing
And I'll be Your memories
Your Lullaby for All the times
hoping that my Voice could get It right

If Luck Is On my Side tonight
my clumsy tongue Will make It right
And Wrists that touch
It Isn't much, but It's Enough
to form Imaginary Lines
forget Your Scars
We'll forget mine
the hours change So fast
Oh god please make this Last

I'm Outdated, Overrated
morning Seems So far Away

So I'll Sing A melody
And hope to god She's Listening
Sleeping Softly While I Sing
And I'll be Your memories
Your Lullaby for All the times
hoping that my Voice could get It right

U could crush me
please don't crush me
cause baby I'm A dreamer for Sure
And I Won't Let You down
I Swear this time I mean It

So I'll Sing A melody
And hope to god She's Listening
Sleeping Softly While I Sing
And I'll be Your memories
Your Lullaby for All the times
hoping that my Voice could get It right...

Off the Bench

2011-05-01T10:19:00.000-07:00

took a breather...but i'm rested...walk to the table...just waiting for my chance to re-enter...the whistle blows...this is it...back in the game

Song of the Moment: She's Like the Wind by Swayze

Hardwired

2011-04-17T10:47:00.000-07:00

As I was in the shower this morning something happened...the water was streaming as normal but when i heard the intake from the pipe, signalling a change in water pressure, i quickyly moved out from under the water into the corner of my shower...it wasn't until afterwards that i realized something...i haven't made that move since i lived in dorm 3 years previous...

you see when i lived in dorm i learned quickly that when you hear that intake from the pipe it meant that somewhere in our two floors someone was flushing a toilet which meant you got hit by scalding water...which meant a quick move to the corner to escape the burn...

i hadn't made that move since i was in dorm three years ago...but at the first sign of the same old encounter i reacted as though it had happened yesterday...and quickly moved to the corner...

it's funny how some habits die so hard...i moved so quickly to avoid a burn that so far in my past had always been there after that sign...but today the sign was there and no burn...but i jumped out of the way none-the-less...to avoid it...

Never Goodbye

2011-04-14T23:52:00.000-07:00

when you love something
you gotta let it go
though your heart...is leaving

watching you back your bags
to set out on your own
you're trying to find something...to believe in

when you're on your own
and you've lost your way
when the lights go out...who's there to guide you?
when you find the words
that were hard to say
when they all come out...who's there beside you

when you're lost in the dark
somehow you'll find you way
though the day's not the same
somethings will never change

when you're on your own
and you've lost your way
when the lights go out...i'll be there to guide you
when you find the words
that were hard to say
when they all come out...i'll be beside you

right there beside you...
beside you...

song of the moment:

2011-03-23T18:40:00.001-07:00

i used to end every blog post with a 'song of the moment' which sometimes was there because it inspired me in someway recently...it was super catchy and i couldn't get it out of my head...or (most of the time) i hoped you'd listen to it and my message would get across to you from a different medium...

lately i've been working hard on my upcoming concert...it's not my first...not alone...last summer was a way to see that i can do this...but now this one is for all the people that couldn't (didn't know about) make it...i don't want to display a product...i want to display me...all the songs that have been picked have been picked for a reason...

so a song of the moment is hard to pick...but i think for right now...it's the one i can't play

Song of the Moment: Don't let the sun go down on me by George Michaels and Elton John

2011-03-17T17:18:00.000-07:00

it's to watch someone put in so much effort...they run at full tilt pushing towards a goal...oblivious to what's going on around them...they push and they pant and cramp up but stubbornly push through with rose or opaque glasses...never really seeing...just moving

sometimes you just wonder if you should tell them they're on a treadmill...and no matter how fast or how long they run they still won't be any further along

19 days

2011-03-12T21:02:00.000-08:00

that's how long til this entire process is complete...6 years struggling with it...and all it's going to take is 19 days...then everything is done and in the open...and i can jsut finish it out one way or the other

i don't think i've ever been more scared in my entire life...

and it's going to last 19 days

Q&A

2011-02-26T11:28:00.000-08:00

always seeking answers but never asking questions...it's like you're just waiting for the answer to manifest itself without asking the question out loud...sometimes it needs to be asked out loud...and usually the most dangerous question i find is 'why?'...i tell you something and most people would ask the question 'why?'...but you never do it's like you'd rather just assume an answer...and hide behind that one until the real answer is presented or disappears...

what i want is for you to ask me 'why?'...you can fear the answer...but like they say 'nothing ventured, nothing gained.' i have the answer...i just need you to ask the question

time for a lil Q&A

lyrical thoughts

2011-02-19T11:28:00.000-08:00

don't touch the positive with a negative end
don't touch the positive with a negative end
cuz after all of the sparks you're still alone in the dark
cuz after all of the sparks you're still alone in the dark

can't hold a candle too her
cuz all the moths get in the way
(she's good at attracting bugs)

she's like an ancient artifact
something you're lucky to have found
but then she's like the exorcist
with how she makes those heads turn round

try to find the top dog
not just a hot dog
cuz in the end, they're just a weiner
and we're looking for a winner

2011-02-14T21:25:00.000-08:00

jsut found out that out of his friend group he was the only one that didn't have a date...even with a personal deadline set...it kinda sucks being the single guy...but like i said tomorrow it won't matter...it'll just be another day

Taylor with a Twist

2011-02-01T11:51:00.000-08:00

say you're sorry that face of an angel
comes out just when you need it to
as you paced back and forth all this time
cuz you never could face the truth

holding on the days drag on
stupid girl, you should've known
you should've known

you're not a princess this ain't a fairy tale
he's not the one to sweep you off your feet
lead you up the stariwell
this isn't hollywood it's just a small town
you were a dreamer before him and he let you down
now it's too late for you cuz his white horse won't come around

baby you were naive got lost in his eyes
you never really stood a chance
your mistake you didn't know to be in love
always had to fight to have the upper hand
so many dreams you and him
happy endings now you know

you're not a princess this ain't a fairy tale
he's not the one to sweep you off your feet
lead you up the stairwell
this ain't hollywood it's just a small town
you were a dreamer before him and he let you down
now it's too late for you cuz his white horse won't come around

now there you are on your knees
begging for forgiveness, begging for me
just like i always wanted
but i'm so sorry

you're not a princess this ain't a fairytale
you're going to find someone someday
who might actually treat you well
this is a big world that was a small town
he's back in your rearview disappearing now
is it too late for and your white horse to come around

is it too late for you and your white horse
is it too late for you and your white horse to catch me now

I Love Lucy

2011-01-15T13:23:00.000-08:00

alright well maybe i don't...maybe it's one of those love/hate relationships that people seem so fond of these days...but regardless...

remember watching charlie brown...well he had quite the relationship with Lucy...for one should would over him psychiatric help for five cents...but did you ever watch that no matter what lucy said she'd always go against it...leaving charlie more confused and stimied then before...how can you give advice you're only going to go against Lucy...if it's good enough for Charlie doesn't that stand to reason it's good enough for you?...

and the infamous football pull...you know what i'm talking about...Lucy says kick the ball charlie goes no no you'll pull it away...no says Lucy i won't...running start....full tilt pulls back the leg...yoink...there goes charlie for another fall...how many times can you keep pulling the ball out from under him?...

so charlie my question is this...what keeps bringing you back to advice from Lucy...what keeps making you believe that this time she'll let you have your moment and kick that ball...what's there chuck...

song for the nerds

2011-01-13T11:52:00.000-08:00

Making young girls pine
I don’t have the time
Babies get in line
I’ve got a protractor
Got a stapler now it goes “Ka-ching”
gotta have the math club crown me king
gotta rock the screen with the cosine graphing on my calculator
If you’re up and if you want a piece of me
wave goodbye and blow a kiss
‘Cause you can’t handle this

No, No, No you can’t handle this
No, No, No you can’t handle this

Through my glasses glare
you’ll see savoir faire
beneath my icy stare
I’ve got a retainer
Maybe I’m the physics main event
maybe I’m the chem club president
maybe even Texas Instruments thinks that I’m coplanar
If you’re up and if you want a piece of me
wave goodbye and blow a kiss
‘Cause you can’t handle this

And Leonard Nemoy can’t stand up to this
And Captain James T. Kirk bows beneath my fists
And I am awesome
awesome
I am the awesomest

No, No, No you can't handle this
No, No, No you can't handle this

'Cause you can't handle this

Lone Thought

2011-01-12T10:19:00.000-08:00

how can i be so smart and still do so very little thinking with my brain...

2011-01-09T14:06:00.000-08:00

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows...

how i see it

2011-01-01T11:56:00.000-08:00

we're face to face but we don't see eye to eye
we're like fire and rain you drive me insane
but i can't keep away from you for anything
we're like venus and mars, two different stars
but you're the harmony to every song i sing

I'm teaching the next Taylor Swift

2010-12-19T11:46:00.000-08:00

the first two questions i ask every new student are these:
so have you ever played guitar before?
what kind of music do you want to learn?

she shyly said she'd never played...but she wanted to learn Taylor Swift...when i picked up my guitar and started playing White Horse her eyes became so big...the smile on her face was magic...'i could do that?! was all she said...'if you practice hard we could by the end of the year...this girl is 8...by end of the year i meant June...

4 months after that first day i don't think i've met a student that's worked harder then her...and at the end of 4 months she can play 90% of white horse (stupid bar chord)...and i couldn't be more proud of her...she wants to start learning Love Story...at this rate she'll be done the album by June...not just one song

her parents attribute her success to me...i to her drive and hard work...but when i asked her why she played so hard these four months she said it's cuz of Taylor...

Thanks Taylor...you'll have competition in 10 years

2010-12-14T23:30:00.000-08:00

i wonder if i played you your song if you'd hear the song or hear me...

24

2010-12-06T22:51:00.000-08:00

a year older...hopefully a little wiser...definately ready...
all i want for Christmas is you...

Dream On

2010-11-24T06:51:00.000-08:00

Rarely Remembered...

i used to have the same dream over and over again...dream is the wrong word, nightmare...constant visits of ghosts relationship past you could say...for months on end the parade went through my head...and i'd wake up and play it through my head wondering if it were all true...but that dream has long past...

it felt so much like it was real...the smile that stops my heart...a head on my shoulder, an arm around your waist...the words that cause me to have only you going through my brain...it was simple, comfortable, alluring...it was like i could actually touch it, taste it...but when i woke up i knew for now it was just a dream...

But Never Forgotten...

2010-11-23T21:41:00.000-08:00

a switch was flipped...i don't know when i don't know how but it happened...once there was open conversation, a feeling of trust...but now it seems to be taken by cloak and dagger...a pulling away...i'm trying to find the answers...but it leaves my mind in a tailspin...

i'm not sure what i'm looking for...but i know what i'm not looking for...but my heart doesn't seem to get that message...good ole heart

Something Corporate

2010-11-17T23:26:00.000-08:00

i was 15 when a friend of mine said 'eric, you gotta hear this band...They're phenomenal' and he gave me 'leaving through the window' by something corporate...and that entire album remains to be one of my favourites to this day...Globes and Maps a favourite song...but the one that speaks to me now is Hurricane...

standing there with your smile blinding
your eyes from seeing
my face as i'm dying
to figure out a girl...

it's violent and chaotic, my head is spinning and sometimes i just feel sick, and around and round i go...but there in the middle is a central point, that all of this wages around...and i wish i could figure this out...everything is said in cloak and dagger...we know what's on the line...

so pull me under your weather patterns
your cold fronts and the rain don't matter
cuz the sunburn's what i needed...

i'm not afraid to use words like love or commit...you didn't see the rainbow without a little rain...you didn't know how to win unless you've lost...i want to win, but if that means i take a chance at losing, that's worth the risk...

well maybe this time i can follow through
feel complete
stop paying dues
stop the rain from falling
keep my oceans calm
this time i know nothing's wrong...

(Sub)Conscious

2010-11-15T12:04:00.000-08:00

i wrote you this song, but it won't be enough
to tell you in you all the things that i love
from the smell of your hair, to the whip of your tongue,
you can't carry a tune but you still sing-along

wherever i go i'm not alone
you have my heart, therefore you are my home
and it's no surprise, from that look in your eyes
i'm going to be wrong the rest of the days of my life
i don't mind

2010-11-11T00:53:00.000-08:00

and the other shoe drops...it's like an anvil...its weight crushing...i never stood a chance did i?

2010-11-07T00:37:00.000-07:00

if you want to be with someone, don't plan to be with them...be with them

Hopeless Romantic (i'm the former)

2010-11-02T22:21:00.000-07:00

i've never been good at love and that comes to no surprise
it's never been one of my talents to compromise
it feels like everyday i take another step
farther away

i'm over sensitive if that's hard to believe
and have a problem of wearing my heart on my sleeve
my thoughts i like to guard like their fort knox
but i'm working on that

teach me to fly, i want to soar
teach me to see things like i never have before
teach me to love like i've got nothing else
to give you my heart, to give you myself

everyday without you is just another in the dark
my heart 's a fire ready to burn all it needs is its spark

teach me to fly, i want to soar
teach me to see things like i never have before
teach me to love like i've got nothing else
to give you my heart, to give you myself

teach me to fly
teach me to love

2010-10-27T01:22:00.000-07:00

I thought I knew it all

I've been through the highs, said all my goodbyes

Learned to run before I learned to crawl

It's not worth fighting for if one of us is sure

And one of us is dying, trying to find loves cure

I have waited all my life to paint these cities red

Thoughts I've always had here are stuck inside my head

It's not worth waiting for if one of us wants more

And one of us is dying, trying to find love's door

When we learn how to fly, We forget to how walk

When we learn how to sing, We don't wanna hear each other talk

Here we are at the finish line

And you, you really thought you knew

Everything to do with holding onto me and holding on

This time is making me slip right through your hands

And now you don't understand

Trying to find love all yourself

When we learn how to fly,We forget to how walk

When we learn how to sing ,We don't wanna hear each other talk

When we know what we want, We forget what we need

When you find who you are, You forget about me

Here we are at the finish line

but it doesn't have to be...

working again

2010-10-10T21:02:00.000-07:00

the last couple weeks have been crazy...so many songs have popped into my head...begging to be written down and chords attached...some are just chords in need of lyrical guidance...but the all come down to one thing...muse...you who inspire me...my light...you who i wish that at some point i wouldn't have to use words to convey myself...

but then there are songs...which are made up of words which would strip away the outer shield i hold to guard myself...and expose myself to whatever the fates hold for me...from subconscious thoughts, to pleas for more, to thoughts of you in all places...

it doesn't feel like work a lot of the time...i want to write this...i want to write me...so that you can see past the shield...to the one that just wants you...muse

125

2010-09-28T22:49:00.000-07:00

how much has changed 125 posts later...well i guess it's really 124...this is 125...don't want to lie to you...so how much has changed...

age: 5 years...man that's an average of one post every two weeks
edumacation: got the degree...but i still know i'll have more schooling to go...lame
dream: still the same...gotta make that album...been working on that a lot lately
relationship: none...but i'm cool with that...but working on it
job: one i love...and one i wish i could do without...but as a friend told me today...i should quit them both to do what i want...hmm
awesomeness: check still there...bask in it;)

there are lots of subtle things that have changed...my surroundings, my friends, the jobs i've had, the places i've been...i looked through the song book i started compiling when i began writing and if that's not a look at eric through the years...i don't know what is

but i look ahead to what the next 5 will hold...

i'll be 28...job situation? album? education? relationship? it doesn't seem that long ago that i was an 18 yr old kid with the same questions...just shows time doesn't have all the answers...but you probably don't see the answers til you look back on the time you spent.

how'd you change in 5 years? how did you spend your time? how will you spend your time?

Muse

2010-09-15T00:34:00.000-07:00

you're the muse in my life
when you leave i'll die
you keep my alive

i missed you so bad...

i got asked recently if a girl had to be musically talented for to want to pursue a romantic relationship...my answer surprised her...no...i don't need a musical girl...i need a muse...someone to inspire me through everything...to challenge myself to grow...someone that i need like air...

my friend says well that's a weird answer cuz musical people always seem to find each other and don't stray much outside of that equation...and my answer was when do i follow equations...when does normal apply to myself...

from the guy who works for mobsters...played secret shows under a pseudo name (still feel bad for that one)...got in his first fight in years...and won...

normal does not apply...i don't want normal...i want to need you like air...i want a muse...my songs are for you

i remember

2010-09-03T12:36:00.000-07:00

thanksgiving
armageddon
wii boxing
the park bench
garth brooks
new year's day
fisherville
calgary
the zoo
5:30 am phone calls
september
mario party
the interview

but it didn't take you long to forget
and i guess a part of me is still dealing with that

2010-08-03T00:07:00.000-07:00

when one doth end another begins
and round the cycle goes
to continue to a place in time
which only one mind knows

a soul is found in wanting
of its lonesome counterpart
but show little comprehension
in the matters of the heart

waiting for answer's light
so comes the noonday sun
but stuck in night's dark hollow
while doubt's due course is run

shriveled in the corner
of one's own pent up dark
only to be ignited
by a small infectious spark

carpe diem is the whisper
carpe diem is the cry
that's set soul's path before it
caused the twinkle in its eye

it starts as but a coal
yet builds into a blaze
and sets the soul on fire
for the remainder of its days

when one doth end another begin
and so the cycle goes
to continue to a place in time
which only one mind knows

-A&P

2010-07-04T12:23:00.000-07:00

teach me something...

i pick up the guitar everyday...i play everyday...i perform with it, in some capacity, pretty much everyday...but when i picked it up i didn't know what to play...i didn't want to perform i wanted to just be in the music...i didn't want to be a character...i wanted to be seen...i wanted to be vulnerable...i haven't wanted to be vulnerable in a long time...and i picked the one song i thought of first...cuz first instincts are usually right...and everything blurred and slowed down and sped up...and it still feels that way...like one part of me has slown down while everything else has sped up...and all you had to say was...

teach me something...

Girl pt.1

2010-07-02T10:00:00.000-07:00

Girl...it's been a long day
and i have come such a long way
Girl...can i have a place to rest mt head
cuz there's no one else
nowhere else i'd rather be instead
then here Girl

Coffee House

2010-06-05T19:29:00.000-07:00

last friday i had my first solo performance to a crowd where no one knew me...which was intentional...i wanted to see how a crowd of unbiased listeners would react...it was 80 minutes of play time split between myself and Mack (first name was Gordon...don't blame him for going by his last name)...i drew going first...and 50 people sat there and gave me their attention

set list:
Say (John Mayer)
Redefined
Girl
Slide
Need You Now (finger picked)
Lullaby
What if (safety suit)
Ain't no Sunshine

i felt great at the end...a lot of people really liked it...some asked if i had cds...i'll go back again...and maybe this time let some people know about it...it felt really good

don't call the cops

2010-04-26T13:18:00.001-07:00

so i get on the bus...and sure enough it's crowded but i get lucky and find a double seat to myself...two stops later a girl gets on and sits beside me...and immediately strikes up conversation with me...blah blah blah we get to the bus terminal and this is where we part ways til she asks where i'm going...i say i'm going to the other side to catch a bus south...she asks if i'm taking the 183 south...coincidentally i am

so we get on the next bus together sit down and continue talking...two stops before i'd get off for work she turns to me and says can i give you my number...sure i say...at this point she reaches into her bag to find a pen and paper...and in her search she pulls out the Math 30 textbook...and in my mind i wipe my hands of the situation

why am i irresistable to high school girls but in my age bracket aren't looking lol

oh and she texts me everyday telling me to get over myself...oh high school girls

first step

2010-04-17T22:29:00.000-07:00

it's like time has stopped
it's like time has stopped and gravity has reversed
where instead of the us pushing on the world
it's the world that pushes on us

it's a point where there are many roads
but some are under construction
others seem impassable
others shrouded in a fog
and yet more seem to lead places unknown

life doesn't feel like the game of strategy
where you can set up your moves
hoping nothing gets in your way
it feels more like SORRY!
where all the progress can be made
but in a moment taken away
but life does not apologize

i have a lot of faith in direction
but today above all it feels so strained
won't break but it's bending
if only i knew i could make a move that wouldn't be countered
or a teammate to play-along

first cut is the deepest
first step is the hardest
the foot is in the air
but where will it fall

i'll just put the blame on gravity

Chemistry not Science

2010-04-11T14:15:00.000-07:00

so in the last 4 weeks i've heard a combination of 'she's not your type' or 'you're not her type' 5 times...at first it's ok to hear...cuz it's really no big deal...but the more you hear it...the more frustrating the word 'type' becomes...

this gets frustrating for two reasons...i'm not a hundred percent sure what my type is...but how would you know what it is better then me...let alone what my type would even be...secondly (and this is not said in any anger to those that have said it) isn't whether i'm someone else's type up to them...i've never heard it from the person just someone's opinion on it...and that one regardless of who it is hurts to hear

from talking to a friend of mine about this...we decided that even if you have a 'type'...there are definately allowances that get made...if i look at the people i've dated i wouldn't say all of them are the same...some would have similar characteristics...but not even close to being the same person...i just wish this type thing wouldn't be such a big part in romance...it seems to make it more science then chemistry

12:53am

2010-03-26T23:53:00.000-07:00

i can't sleep...i've been lying in bed hoping to for forty odd minutes and i can't...there is so much going through my head...it's like a thousand trains on a thousand tracks and they're all blowing their whistles at once...thoughts of my job...the search for another job...summer...people around me...those that aren't...it's a constant parade of things...it kind of reminds me of an avril lavigne album cover where she's standing still and everything else around her is a blur...that's how my head feels...everything is just pressing up on the front looking for a way out...

i wish i could use the one outlet i have more effectively...i've been trying to stimulate the writing process but everything is coming out the same...the music is better...but what i'm trying to say just sounds cliche...argh i just feel incredibly frustrated and the problem is is that i don't feel like i have much to be frustrated about...just one large frustration...but let's face it that's been there for a decade now...ha...sleep can not come fast enough...but nothing that we want usually does move at the speed with which we expect or desire...the candle is out but another is lit far off...i'll have to get closer to see if this one will extinguish as well...stupid brain...stupid outlet...

1:05 am

Sun Burn

2010-03-24T21:33:00.000-07:00

we all love summer...summer is exciting and fun...we look forward to summer forever once Christmas is over...summer is awesome until one thing happens...

we get sunburned...this thing that we thought was so awesome has burned us...and yes the burn eventually goes away...but while you got it you know it hurts everytime you move...but the burn will go away and with it summer...but we know that the time will come when we yearn for summer again..only to be burned again lol...

but someday summer without a burn will come...i'm looking forward to that summer...but until that summer i'll get over my burn

it's the most wonderful time of the year...

2010-03-18T04:55:00.000-07:00

and i hear your questions now...but eric Christmas was 3 months ago...your birthday isn't for another 9 months...and no it's not wedding season vince vaughn...IT'S MARCH MADNESS

for those of you that don't know what this is i'll try and explain...it's a 65 teamn college basketball single elimination tournament spanning the next 3 weekends...so basically it's christmas, your birthday, the pretty girl and chocolate cake wrapped into one, put on steroids and sent into overtime...that's pretty awesome...

i'm so excited i woke up 4 hours early and can't fall back to sleep...and the only team you need to know about is the Duke Blue Devils...

go DUKE!!!

between the candle and the dark

2010-03-16T22:23:00.000-07:00

the candle is my light...what i'm drawn to like a moth...all flitting nearby sometimes getting too close that i burn...i fly away but always i want to stay close cuz the slight burn is worth staying close to the light...

the dark is the uncertainty in my head...the distance i sometimes feel between myself and the candle...sometimes getting lost in shadows...but in the distance sits the candle...flickering still

but as close as i try to get to the candle...i fear it may very well go out...and then i'll be plunged into darkness...and tumble down the rabbit hole...but as long as the candle is lit...i will be drawn towards it...and hopefully that candle will rid me of the darkness...if not rid myself of the darkness hold my hand through it...and i through it's dark points as well

Cat in a Box

2010-03-09T13:11:00.000-08:00

alright so once upon a time was this guy called Erwin Schrodinger who came up with a what i'm going to call a dilemna...cuz what it's really called is a thought experiment to illustrate the copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics (thank you internet)...but the dilemna is this...a cat is in an enclosed box and poison is randomly released into the box...the dilemna is this...unless you open the box you have no way to conclude whether the cat is dead or alive...it's an unknown until such time that you open it...

and over the past couple days i've been mulling over my own box in my head...i have a box...it's a nice box...and my only problem is whether or not i open the box and see if that cat is alive or not...but i'm not a cat person so i'm going to change it to a dog...cuz if i opened it and the cat was dead no big thing...but if it's a dog...very sad...i hope it's alive...though i won't know til i open it

i gotta open the box...

talk to you tomorrow

that all started with a big bang...

2010-03-08T11:55:00.000-08:00

i've now watched all of the first season of a new show to me 'the big bang theory'...so much of this show makes me laugh...the intelligent humour, awkward humour, the mixture of both...but the one part i think that suprised me the most...is how little i find myself relating to the characters...

yes there are certainly some aspects of the characters that i relate to...but in the end as much as they can make me laugh i can't see myself as being them...like it's such a high level of intelligence and awkwardness...the mix just feels weird...but i guess in the end that's what makes them so funny...

or maybe i'm wrong and i'm a part of nerdvana...

bang

talk to you tomorrow

one reason to not become a church worker

2010-03-04T18:21:00.001-08:00

so over the last 3 days they've had a canada wide church workers retreat...at the end they had lots of extra food to send...and thankfully for my youth and family worker he said 'hey can i take it to eric's'...excellent call...i don't often say no to free food...so i'm going through all the stuff in the box and putting it in it's rightful place and then...

in the bottom of the box i pull out a small canister...of buttocks paste...for diaper rash...now i don't know what they do at these retreats...but this is just weird...like it's in with the food...and if it's not for food i don't even want to begin to imagine what's going on...

but now that i've had my good laugh with it i'm stashing it among my roommates stuff for a larger laugh later

talk to you tomorrow

that point

2010-03-03T20:31:00.000-08:00

i hit that point...that's the point where you have no idea how to move forward...if you there is room to move forward...it's just a complete point of unknown...and i would like a little hint or clue or something to nudge me...but i know that you don't always get that stuff...you don't always get the nudges...life isn't always fastballs...it's not all right down the middle

Hockey Talk

2010-02-28T18:15:00.000-08:00

so i'm ecstatic...those guys have put a huge smile on my face that will last all day...even the kid quieted the critics...i was impressed i won't lie...that feeling when the puck crossed the line and the first person jumped out of their seat...i was right behind them...it was like a huge weight was lifted up off my shoulders and out of my chest...an amazing wonderful feeling...though i don't know what those guys feel like who are getting on airplanes tonight to go play their NHL games tomorrow or tuesday

so before today's gold medal win by Canada only one player had ever won a gold medal, a stanley cup, the world juniors and the Memorial Cup *(which is the junior league championship in Canada)...and that man was Scott Neidermeyer...but as of today there are now two...and he did it all in 5 years...can you name him? come on i'm sure you can find out

talk to you tomorrow

Reasons I Love Canada

2010-02-27T23:13:00.001-08:00

1)Cuz there is no part of the land that isn't pretty at least one time of the year...i've seen a lot of Canada and it's true...though i'm still yet to see Manitoba at a pretty time...but i think it can happen

2)We can have 13 gold medals the most of any other country...but if we don't beat the USA in hockey the olympics are a bust lol...we are so passionate it's blinding...and awesome

3)Everybody likes us...come on sure we get poked fun at but hey it's just cuz they're jealous that they aren't us and can't be us

4)Beer Commercials

5)Every province is distinct...they all have their own flavour...saskatchewan's happens to be a lil grainy but hey good for them...it's like 13 lil countries in one

6)french immersion...now i never got to take part in this but i think it's amazing that anywhere in this country you can learn the majority of your schoolwork in the second language of our country...regardless of the fact that quebec is so far away from where you might be and how lil french is used outside of it...maybe the states should do spanish immersion think about it...but then they'd be copying our awesomeness

7)the girls...i won't lie i love the canadian girls...for multiple reasons

2010-02-26T10:54:00.001-08:00

like lightning when it strikes
and roots you to the floor
but you don't know what you were without it
so you come out wanting more

from the first time when it hit you
when you were really young
when you felt like a fighter
when the first round bell was rung

to when many days have passed
and you come out feeling old
and that feeling that's inside you
has hot luke warm now cold

but there's a stirring inside you
that says give it another chance
the choice is do you stay in you chair
or hit the floor and dance

but you know that when you got it
there's no other like it in the world
it's what keeps the world fresh
singing songs about a girl

fruits of our labour

2010-02-25T01:11:00.000-08:00

i'm posting this before i go to bed so it's still the same day for me lol...but anyways

so i wanted to write everyday to help cultivate the writing process...constantly writing to boost the one ability in my songwriting that in my opinion lacks...and tonight it worked...my friend came over and after 30 seconds of some simple playing he says 'wanna write a song'...so we did...it was good...felt organic...and i'll feel bad if we kept my roommate up...but it was good...it's rough...but hey what great things start as perfect...other then jesus...anyways...so i'm elated...

the bird with a French Fry

talk to you tomorrow

if i could read your mind

2010-02-23T21:06:00.000-08:00

so i'm reading eragon and within a boy comes into contact with a dragon egg it hatches and hilarity ensues...but this boy can only communicate with the dragon is through telepathy...and my first thought was that that's a pretty cool idea...i've always liked the idea of telepathy...being able to communicate without words...knowing what others are thinking...especially the females...ha...

but then i think about it...and while a cool idea...not a good one...if i knew what those around me were thinking would it be just too much...would i be close to the people i'm close with cuz maybe they had a bad thought of me early on...even though they didn't really know me...it's just a crappy hurtle...that could have tripped some amazing people that have become a big part of my life...

and i've also learned that there are countless ways to communicate when words just won't say enough...so you know what i don't need to be able to read your mind...that gives a little mystery...and i like solving mysteries...i'm the third Hardy Boy don't you know...or the male version of Nancy Drew if that makes more sense to you

talk to you tomorrow

forgot how much i love fantasy...

2010-02-22T21:13:00.000-08:00

no not that kind of fantasy...my sister reads this...but fantasy books...and it's weird cuz what's the only thing added to the world...magic...but magic seems to do a lot to a story...i don't know what it is...but there is something about fantasy story writing that just makes the story 'pop'...out of the page and prejecting fluid images that i almost feel like i'm a part

and now i'm not saying that i dislike the other forms of writing cuz i read all of them...well almost...no harlequin romance yet...but something fantasy speaks to me in a way the others cant...and i don't think it's jsut cuz of the geeky side of me either

talk to you tomorrow

Under the Covers

2010-02-21T12:07:00.000-08:00

so i started reading a book last night...now i've seen the movie but the book did come first...and i liked the movie it was good (someone out there hated it)...so if i were to judge this book i would expect a good story in a fantasy based world...but opening the book and reading just the first 40 pages...i was blown away...this has exquisite detail and it gripped me right away...this is gearing up to be something i really like and be a favourite for awhile...i can't always judge a book by it's cover...cuz the actual content could blow me away

talk to you tomorrow

2010-02-19T21:35:00.000-08:00

i saw her today at the reception
a glass of wine in her hand
i knew she was going to meet her connection
at her feet was a footloose man

the room is bustling...people are everywhere...talking...laughing...some in conversation...some in out loud joy...you've found your seat...it's your seat cuz you've sat here before...it's comfortable...you came with people you know...there's others in the room you know but you just want to stay with who you came with...the night goes on you look around and you see him across the room...but you go back to who's there with you...not giving it a second thought...

i wonder if that's how you see me...as a passing glance across the room...not seeing the tree from the forest...it's hard to be so quickly ignored

you can't always get what you want
but if you try sometimes
well you just might find
you get what you need...
you get what you need

talk to you tomorrow

new name

2010-02-18T22:36:00.001-08:00

so i've picked the new name based on two things...number one is in how i define acoustic...for the most part when you hear a song you hear 5 different instruments, a vocalist, there's just a lot going on...but the acoustic version is when you strip it down to just the voice and an instrument...no flash no bang...just the straight meaning and feeling of it...and i liked the thought of that...

and reason two...i'm a music guy it seems to work really well with my train of thought...the beginning of acoustically speaking

talk to you tomorrow

what i'm listening to...

2010-02-16T21:55:00.000-08:00

this are the albums i'm listening to right now...

no pads, no helmets just balls by simple plan...yeah i kind of took a step back with this one but i love...just makes the 13yr old inside me smile
Collision Course by Jay Z and Linkin Park...so good...the beats just make me want to dance everytime...and sometimes i do lol
the Beatles (White Album) by the Beatles...mm so many great guitar parts and lyrics and artistic points...all around great album...love that stuff

what are you listening to?

talk to you tomorrow

nhl to a close

2010-02-15T23:32:00.000-08:00

well i was one point off from my prediction for the ducks...but we had to lose to calgary...ugh for many reasons...but now immediately after the great tournament we call the olympics the trade deadline will be 2 days later...and that's going to be the big run to the finish line for a lot of teams...

olympics are going to be awesome...and it's the only time you'll see me cheer for guys like iginla, staal and crosby...well unless they played each other...then i'd have to cheer for one of them...

it's going to be crazy in the hockey schedule for the next months...oh i love sports...it's awesome...sports are great...

talk to you tomorrow

The Sort of Sonnet

2010-02-14T00:31:00.000-08:00

the twinkle in my sky
the flash that holds the eye
when the heart begins to pound
and silence seems so loud
the mind begins to race
but leaves nothing in its place
when all i want to say
yet on my lips those words decay
an accidental touch
when one moment is not enough
time ceases to exist
and all that's left is this
when the world feels so unReal
is it a spark i only feel?

i love the olypmics

2010-02-13T16:18:00.000-08:00

they've started finally after all this time...years and years of waiting and they're here...and stevie nash got to be a part of lighting the cauldron...basketball player lighting the winter olympic torch awesome...oh and wayne gretzky, catrina le may doan and rick hansen were there too...but steve...awesome

so i've watched a lil ski jump today...and these guys are crazy jumping on nothing but 15 foot pieces of fiber glass 100metres...100 metres travelling downward...insane...and some long track speed skating...guys skating 5km...not as exciting...but what i'm learning from this cuz apparently i haven't seen enough of this before is that even though the winter olympics have fewer events then their summer counterpart...they have more extreme events...or that's just my point of view...

freestyle moguls tonight but i'm going to my second ever thunder away game...go boys...need a big win tonight

talk to you tomorrow

i want to sleep

2010-02-12T21:54:00.000-08:00

so for like a week i have been having the worst sleeps...like in bed at 1 not to fall asleep til 3 or falling asleep then waking up at 4 not to fall back asleep til like 6...i hate it...and it's not cuz of dreams cuz that's what it usually is...i don't know it's just happening...i actually slept on the futon last night...cuz my bed was just not working for me...usually i drink a glass of milk and i'm good but not even that will work...if you have advice on how to sleep let me know...hopefully tonight will be ok

and julia stiles dancing is weird...and apparently doesn't need to wear a bra

talk to you tomorrwo

10 days of quiet

2010-02-11T18:16:00.000-08:00

so roomie is gone to b.c. til next sunday which means i get the apartment to myself...which is cool...i don't need to worry about bothering him with what i'm doing...any messes that are there are mine so there is no underlying resentment...once i do the dishes that was left...though i was under an impression of them getting gone...but i was wrong...anywho that's for tonight/tomorrow before hockey...a downfall is that i need to get groceries but with no vehicle will make it really interesting...and the other side is that the apartment will be quiet...i don't do well by myself for an extended period of time...1 day of quiet is cool...but come saturday i might be losing it...

cuz sometimes silence is louder than noise...

talk to you tomorrow

changing the name

2010-02-10T22:27:00.000-08:00

so i decided as i was about to write this i would change the name of the blog...it's been called 'a day in the life of a muffin' cuz that was my nickname for awhile (no i didn't pick that)...but i'm no longer the person known to many as 'muffin' so the name needs to change...so i've taken that part out...and now i'm trying to think of something else to call this space...and i know that yes it should be something that speaks a lot to me...but i also believe that inspiration comes from many places and you my friends inspire me all the time...so hey if you have ideas i'd like to hear them...so yeah think about it...give lots of suggestions i would love them

talk to you tomorrow

almost didn't make it...

2010-02-09T22:42:00.000-08:00

just made it under the wire...got lost in Fringe and reading...and then 18 minutes to midnight...and i had said i'd write everyday...now two things could have happened...1) i let myself miss my deadline...do it 'for sure' tomorrow...and keep going from there...2) i sit down and write something...

with option 1 what inevitably happens is that one small ripple will create a larger ripple...which means more missed days...and then i don't acheive my goal cuz of one small ripple...it was so harmless...and maybe i'm blowing it out of proportion...but then again my experiences have taught me that small ripples become waves...

with option 2 i stick to what i've committed myself...i write to you and continue to gain whatever experience it is that i'm getting...and i continue to grow...i get a little more mature...little being the operative word there...

so i urge you to try and do the same...instead of giving in and creating a ripple...stay committed to yourself...to what you've set in front of yourself...cuz you're only let one person down...you

talk to you tomorrow

it sucks...

2010-02-08T21:23:00.000-08:00

when you find out that a student is pulling out...not cuz they can't afford it...or cuz they are moving...or don't have the time...they're pulling out cuz they just don't want to try...they don't want to put in the effort...and you know what they have the talent to be one of my top students...but she never tried...and got nowhere...and it really hurts me

cuz since i've found out i've had this huge knot in my stomach and i wonder...could i have done more...should i have tried something different...a new approach...i don't know but it sucks...and i'm still going to be going over it tomorrow...ugh...i just wish i knew why

talk to you tomorrow

That's What It's All About

2010-02-07T19:40:00.000-08:00

i watched the super bowl today...and it was a great game...not just cuz the team i was hoping to win did...but just because it was overall a great game all the way through...and at the end you seem this swarm of people on the field...noise is everywhere...confetti flying...and through all of it i see the winning Quarterback holding his son...his son is wearing a minituarized version of his fathers...with noise depravating headphones...and dad is crying...and continues to say 'i love you' and kissing his child...

through everything going on...everyone coming to congratulate the MVP quarterback...the press trying to get a statement...he never takes his eyes from his son...he never puts him down...never stops saying 'i love you'...

i don't know what that says to you...but to me...that's what it's all about

talk to you tomorrow

Words

2010-02-06T13:20:00.000-08:00

I love how i can say one thing and someone will spin in...and tell someone else and they'll spin it...and then tell one of the people involved...at which point it get an angry text saying...'did you tell this person this happened...why didn't you talk to me about it'...and you know i can see the chain in my head...and it just pisses me off a lil...cuz i remembering asking the first to take it in confidence...but of course fiances must know...and that fiance can't help but tell the other person...and i get angry messages...that i don't want or need...it's just frustrating...

so i guess i have to do one of two things...1) not take you into confidence anymore...or 2) just realize that i can't talk so freely about some things...cuz eventually they will get out and i'll take major backlash...so thank you for making me realize that one of these two things need to happen...i wish that i knew i had one person to talk to that would take things in confidence...that would be nice...

talk to you tomorrow

oh the Ducks

2010-02-05T14:30:00.000-08:00

so you should know...if you don't already that i love sports...all of them...to the point that i actually spent 6 hours watching a cricket game...and all of that was just ONE game...jeez...but of all the teams there is one i feel the most love for...sorry to the Jays, Raptors, Seahawks and Blue Devils...though the Blue Devils get close...the Ducks...yeah they are my fine-feathered friends...

but now they are still out of the playoffs...but the tide is turning...we are 3 points out and we can beat out teams like detroit and calgary...cuz let's face it...it's detroit and calgary...one's imploding and the other is just plain old...we got 4 games before the olympic break...LA (tough but thankfully at the Pond) Edmonton (ha) calgary (imploding remember) and edmonton again (thank you)...so i'm calling my shot now...Ducks at the break are 30-34-8...and in the playoffs...quote me...do it...i love those ducks...

they are the best bird team in hockey;) the best

talk to you tomorrow

come back

2010-02-04T19:42:00.000-08:00

sometimes if you love something you have to let it go...and hope that it will come back to you...

Globes & Maps
by Something Corporate

Light breaks underneath a heavy door
And I try to keep myself awake
Fall all around us on our hotel floor
And you think that you've made a mistake
And there's a pain in my stomach from another sleepless binge
And I struggled to get myself up again

I wanna hang onto something
That won't break away or fall apart
Like the pieces of my heart

And globes and maps are all around me now
I wanna feel you breathe me
Globes and maps I see surround you here
Why won't you believe me?
Globes and maps they charter your way back home
Do you wanna leave or somethin?

And dreams came around you in a hazy rain
You opened your mouth wide to feel them fall
And I write a letter, from a one-way train
But i don't think you'll read it at all

And globes and maps are all around me now
I wanna feel you breathe me
Globes and maps I see surround you here
Why won't you believe me?
Globes and maps they charter your way back home
Do you wanna leave or somethin?

And I can't take this anymore
Well I know that I can't take this anymore
I can't take this anymore
Cuz I know someday I'll see you walk out that door

And globes and maps are all around me now
I wanna feel you breathe me
Globes and maps I see surround you here
Why won't you believe me?
Globes and maps they chart your way back home
So Do you wanna leave? Do you wanna leave?
Globes and maps they chart your way back home
Do you wanna leave or somethin?

...i hope someday you will come back

Cool Stuff

2010-02-03T20:57:00.000-08:00

i have this job...i teach guitar to kids, youth, adults...basically all ages...when i got the job i thought it was amazing that i could teach guitar and get paid for it...but needless to say that over time i seemed to have become jaded to how wonderful my job really is...i went to work and did it...did it well...but i lost the joy in what i was doing...

but today after my lesson with Paul (an 8 year old kid who just started learning guitar in september) we had spent 30 minutes on 'All to Myself' by Marianas Trench...he says 'we learn some pretty cool stuff'...we learn some pretty cool stuff...and it's like a light turned on...we learn some pretty cool stuff...the thing i had been taking for granted is awesome...i get to teach kids to be the rock stars they want to be...yes they are bonified rock stars...cuz they think they're rock stars...

so i don't know if this will be a brief state of enlightenment...but i really hope it's not...i feel great about what i do...and if this is how i can feel just sometimes...i want to be doing this for the rest of my life...

we learn some pretty cool stuff

talk to you tomorrow

Groundhog Day

2010-02-02T10:53:00.000-08:00

so today is the magical day in which rodents everywhere stick their heads out of their holes and look around and then tells whoever picks it up whether it saw its shadow or not...if it sees its shadow we got another six weeks of winter...if not then winter is over now...and my thought is this in Miami when the groundhog comes out of the hole and sees its shadow do you think their upset...thinking 'oh no i have to wear a long T for a lil while...come on they can't be that worried about winter for another 6 weeks...and my thought is that the groundhog in Edmonton must see 4 shadows cuz we have winter here forever...

so i looked it up...how long has groundhog day been around...since the 18th century...only celebrated in canada and the u.s....but its ties are from europe and how a sacred badger would forecast the weather...so sacred badgers aside...we took an idea and said alright we like this let's put our own spin on it...but apparently no could find a badger so they picked the next best thing...a groundhog...i think it would have been better to use a beaver or a squirrel...or even a chihuahua...just for comedy...i don't know where this groundhog thing came from but i want to see a badger...or a bear...

and in other news...Edmonton won it's first day of 2010 and it only took them a month...good work boys...you beat Carolina...

Talk to you tomorrow

An Experiment

2010-02-01T21:56:00.000-08:00

Alright so i've decided that since i have so much free time on my hands i would try something out...everyday from hence forth i will write something...i'll talk about something just to talk...i have no idea what i'll be talking about i'll just let the moment move me...and hopefully it will help me lyrically...but anyways...so today is day one...

so i've gotten into this show 'the buried life' on MTV...4 guys travel america to finish their list...a list of things to do before they die...and yes the things they've done on the show so far are 'go to a party at the playboy mansion' 'make a toast at a stranger's wedding' 'ask out the girl of your dreams' (which happens to be megan fox)...so it sounds dumb...but the thing about this that i really like is that for everything on their list that they did they would help someone that met along the way to cross something off their list...they've raised money to help a classroom get new computers...reunited a father with his estranged son...and they aren't doing this stuff to be goofy or attention...they seem very honest about what they're doing...so i'm impressed that MTV has been able to put out something that seems very uplifting

and it's made me thing things i'd like to do...and there are things that you might think are obvious like get married, have a family...but i'd like to go skydiving, visit ireland, learn to dance (not just bounce around like i do), sail, learn to cook lol...and so on and so forth

so if you've read this i want to know...what do you want to do before you die?

Talk to you Tomorrow

Remix

2009-07-20T18:07:00.000-07:00

Alright so lately i've been going through this huge remix thing...the original is ok but to hear someone take the same thing and add their own twist on it just makes it for me...granted not all remixes are great...and not all are great in everyones' eyes...but that is the greatness of freedom of thought...for instance two remixes come readily to mind...Karl Wolf's 'Africa' i love it...that beat mixed with the harms just gets me and in the words of Peyton 'i remember the day'...i remember where i was, what i was doing, the weather when i first heard it (well seen since it was the music video...but anywho)...the other is The Scene Aesthetics 'Love Story'...now usually punk doing a taylor swift song wouldn't even catch my eye...but roamin' purevolume i found it...nad it caught me...now taylor swift fans will most likely hate it...and give me no end of grief for exposing them to this...but sorry...i like it...sure the one vocalist is nasaly and pitchy...sure it might not be an upgrade...but there is some kind of honesty about it that i love...that's all...no defense for it...just that

and thinking of remixes is it weird that music is the one exception to the rule where you can take one thing and by changing very little make it better (or worse...granted)...you get the same words, overall melody...just a lil extra filler or beat...like if someone offered me a past relationship over again but this time there would some slight changes...i'm not sure i'd take it cuz the main substance and meat would be the same...and it's a past relationship for a reason isn't it?...or do we just put different wrapping paper on the same hand-me-down and blind outserlves that it's something old...not new...no new promises...same old same old...but we do lie to ourselves

but we do love the remixes...it brings us back something that we loved with a new spin but in the end there is a reason we don't listen to it forever...and someday we do just stop listening...cuz something original has come along that truly catches our eye...and maybe once again we'll remember the day...i know i want to...i want to change the lyrics to wake me up when summer ends...cuz this storyline is played out

songs of the moment: Africa by Karl Wolf, Love Story by The Scene Aesthetic, and I'll be there for you by the Rembrandts (you might not recognize by the title...but give a listen...you will)

Thank you come again
stay clean kids...you'll still be finding the sand come november

so close but still so far

2009-06-13T13:37:00.000-07:00

i'm the guy held at arms reach...i've been that for awhile now...but now i feel that by saying what i said i won't be able to get closer...no response in sight...i'm just frustrated and confused and a lot of things i haven't been in awhile...mind you you'd probably tell me i'm always confused but that's ok...i like the banter...it's the silence that gets me...

it's weird cuz i was always the closed off one when i was younger...i kept everything in and never wanted to let it out...now i want to let it out...but talking sometimes feels like talking to empty voids...

i guess all i want is a response...to know i'm not talking to void...i'm not looking for flowers and gum drops...i want some honesty...if we can't be honest then we can't grow...and we'll just be stuck where we are...i don't think we want that...i don't

song of the moment: these are the nights by Making April

thanks you come again
stay clean kids

Randomness...but not the first time

2009-03-23T19:09:00.000-07:00

I yawn a lot...it's just the way i am...it's not i'm tired or bored...it's just something i do...well i watched Daily Planet today and learned that you yawn because your brain is running 'hot'...your brain uses the most energy of all the organs in your body...if it hits a a point where it needs coolant which is given through oxygen you'll yawn...extended airways, lots of oxygen all for that brain that's working a lil too hard...and with the amount of time i spend with or talking to women it's no wonder i yawn so much

i now have wireless for my comp i went out and got a wireless usb thingum...thansk JEifert for helping know what to get...so i've caught up on all my webcomics and stuff like that...Order of the Stick got so good...mmm love it

I'm two books away from finishing my book series...a lil over a thousand pages and it will be over...i've read over 5000 pages in 2 and a half months...what's a thousand more...then i can get to other books...need to find new books to put on the classics list...LadyChoco you have any for me?

i'll be in manitoba for 4 more days then i'll be spending the remainder of my CREW touring career in Ontario...first stop Dryden...then Red Lake...never been but it should be fun...Pastor B is there he makes everything awesome

i bought the new Marianas Trench CD in Regina a month ago...i love it...it's so good...i find something new everytime...and the words and beats and riffs just make it all so so good...i finally bought a new cd the other day..the Kings of Leon...and they are also phenomenal...maybe a new drug lol

Song of the Moment: Good to You by Marianas Trench...a duet with kate voegele...it is stunning...kate if you happen to read this call me;)...the entire album Masterpiece Theatre is great give it a listen for sure

thank you come again
stay clean kids...you never know when you'll meet kate voegele

What A Catch

2009-02-09T22:14:00.000-08:00

I'd rather be with you doing nothing
then doing something with someone else

We might not know what we're gonna be
and we might just be a few steps behind our dreams
but if you put your hand in mine
i swear it will be fine
we'll walk this road together you and me

life is strange somedays and messed up every other day...but there are some things out there that just make everything better...playing smash bros. with your friends...having a drink with some friends...playing that song and everyone sings along...or just playing...i've got decisions that need to get made...not decisions i need to sit and wait for some divine inspiration...i need to make them...take the plunge...somethings are easier sad then done...but i know that now i'm willing to say them

leaving is never easy...you find a hole inside of you...coming home isn't easy either cuz you just might find that that hole won't be filled...i wish i had all the answers to make nightmares go away...but i know that i don't...i only do what i can..as a friend would remind i'm a man...and that's not saying much...but i'm one with a direction now...one that i know that if i push myself i can succeed...

i was once applauded for my perserverance...and i realized earlier today that i'd given up on it and found myself somewhere i didn't expect...i'm going back to fighting for what i believe in...and that means more change then i guess i need to accept that...but i hope i don't have to face this alone...it gets very lonely on the road...

i'd rather be with you doing nothing
then doing something with someone else

We might not know what we're gonna be
and we might just be a few steps behind our dreams
but if you put your hand in mine
i swear it will be fine
we'll walk this road together you and me

song of the moment: What a Catch by Fall Out Boy

thank you come again
stay clean kids...and push past the dirt and dust

Freight Train

2009-01-26T23:11:00.000-08:00

That's what it felt like today...getting hit by something and shook into oblivion...i woke up...showered...ate my alphabits...warmed up for recording and immediately after doing 30mins of back up vocals...and listening to myself in the playback...i decided i hate the sound of my own voice...listened to the 2 tracks on the album that i have lead and thought...i wish i could do it over...but looking back to when i did it...i felt amazing so i knew geting back in there wouldn't make it any better...it's just ugh...

so it was a bad start to a day...i've become an insomniac i guess for january...lil sleep every night...and today...a week after it ended it finally hit me...i'd been trying to not let it hit me til after recording but it came none the less...all at once...i had to get out of the house so i went for a walk in the rain...i thought stuff like that happened in movies but no it happens on Couver Island...

this hole has no filling...i feel like i could stick my arm through it...i can't play guitar worth a damn...my voice is now cracky and hoarse...constantly constrained...i don't know what i'm to do...it's not like i can go to bed and let sleep numb me...i can't sleep...sometimes i just wish i could just be at home and be around the people i love...but i realize that edmonton wouldn't be the best place for me right now cuz i'd be reminded of her by those around me...maybe i just really need to go on vacation...i haven't been on one in years...that would be nice...

song of the moment: If You Wanted a Song Written About You, All You Had To Do Was Ask by Mayday Parade

thank you come again
stay clean kids...

Perfect Timing

2009-01-15T20:20:00.000-08:00

I find myself thinking and focusing a great deal on my future...sometimes i wonder to myself did i just join CREW to give myself an extra year to try and figure it out...and i say no after a concert that we had tonight i know exactly why i'm here...but still i look to the future and it keeps me up at night...i can count the hours of sleep the past two nights on one hand...it hasn't been easy going leaving...i left a lot behind in Edmonton...i count that place as my home...and many of the people that i'm close with as my family...i miss my family greatly and wish to see them soon but i know that will not be the case...i must wait...but as i've learned sometimes waiting gives you exactly what you need...

when i was 7 i asked my mother for a guitar...she replied to me that all the big rockstars learn piano first...being 7 i believed her and learned piano...i learned soon after that this was just not true but i stuck with it cuz now i wanted to be the next Billy Joel or Elton John...i turned 16 and there i was on Christmas Eve my guitar...my first guitar...and you know learning to play that guitar was far easier once i learned piano first...

which reminds me that in life God does not work on my time or your time or anyone's time...He works in His time...and His time is perfect and will always set you straight...so now when i think to my future...i know that i don't have the answers but God will help me...in His time

Song of the Moment: If Ever I Should Falter

thank you come again
stay clean kids...for we do not know His time

366 Days 2 Hours

2008-12-29T23:30:00.000-08:00

2008 will be the longest year of my life to date...as you can see i get a couple extra hours tacked on to my year for finishing in a time zone 2 hours later then the one i started the year in...but that's fine...the year has felt longer for many more reasons...and i'm in phase of looking back on what this year has been and remembering the resolutions i made that didn't make it past day one...ah the times...

But i also look back and see the wonderful things that God has given me...and maybe it's not what he's given me but what he has truly taught me to appreciate...to the D&D Table, LadyC and the Three Year Old...you have been constantly a blessing to my life and i can't thank you enough for being a part of it...i hope you all will for a long time to come...

God has placed me into an organization where i can truly excel at what i love...my music is now more then just a shower song...or room with a few friends...but it's reaching people and touching them...and i can't thank God enough for this oppurtunity and the amazing blessing of teammates that he has given to me...3 people who also strive for the best push me to get better...especially my partner in musical crime...

what will 2009 hold for me...will it be more of the same...will it be better...will it encompass the many dreams and hopes that i have for my life...i guess i'll have to live through it to find out...but there will be old and there will be new...even though the 3yr Old thinks there should be no old...what do you mean by that 3yr old?..anyways i will stay and write cuz you read...it's for you that i continue cuz if i felt you weren't here i would quit...i love you and always miss you all

song of the moment: Sour Grapes by Sean Wood

thank you come again
stay clean kids...you want to look good for the new year

Pictures Say 1000 Words...This Moment Needs None

2008-12-11T18:27:00.000-08:00

Time Stops but the World Keeps Spinning
and I'm Stuck in this Moment With You

Can you imagine that moment...where you're with someone and everything just seems to stop but what you have right there...nothing and i do mean nothing matters outside of that moment...it's like in the movies where two people catch eyes and you see the fire and the people walking past them seem to speed up...it's that moment where all you have is that...nothing more but you don't need more

Does that moment truly exist...can we find someone that causes that moment to just happen...is there one person that can make me realize that everything else doesn't matter...is it someone i've never met before or someone i already know...but can the moment happen or have we all become so jaded that fairy tales stay in the pages of children's fiction, songs written by tortured songwriters and dreams...

I choose to believe that that moment can exist and you know when that moment does exist i'll know that nothing and no one else will matter more then that moment...and only then will i truly know that i will never be alone again...i really hope this moment exists...i really want it to...or my song goes for nothing...and it becomes another lie to be written into my black book of stains...i don't want another lie...i don't write those anymore cuz Yesterday's Forgotten

Give me a moment like that...i hope you find one too

song of the moment: Kindly Unspoken by Kate Voegele...for those moments where words aren't needed

Thank you come again
Stay Clean Kids...you might want to look nice when it happens

Little Sister (Redefined)

2008-09-20T17:09:00.000-07:00

I have 4 younger siblings...of these 4 is Beth who's 16 and over the last couple years i've described her to my friends as 'like me but a girl'...today i realized that she is a far stronger person than i could ever hope to be...she's been hurting and hurt by those around her...and i haven't been able to be there for her the way that i want to be...i've also been one of the people to hurt her...and for that i can't forgive myself...she has more strength, guts and passion then her 21 year old buffoon of a brother...she once looked up to me...now i look up to her

i read her blog today after she emailed me...i had no idea that she had one...and what i read in there was not the 12 yr old girl i left at home so many years ago...but a 16yr old woman who has grown more in the past 4 then i have...it let me see that my sister has needed me and i've let her down...which leaves a hole in me that burns constantly since her email and blog reading

Beth i love you...I will be here for you always...if you ever need me i'm going to get on a plane to see you...i can leave the girls in the van they'll be fine...you are far more important to me...Know that i'm very happy for you...know that you'll always have me in your corner

my sister's blog is beefburger.blogspot.com

Song of the Moment: Anything by Mayday Parade...Beth and i love them

Thank you come again
stay clean kids...there are kids looking up to you

Part One

2008-05-28T13:18:00.000-07:00

i once bought 'the complex infrastructure of the female mind' a book by Relient K on the different types of girls...this book is for girls which i didn't know at the time of purchase...but i read it and throughout the entire book i put footnotes...having recently gotten it back from a friend i reread it...and laughed at the commentary made by 19 year old me...2 years ago never seemed like long...but when i read it...it sounds like a completely different person...someone that's funnier then myself...lol...mostly cuz he still had the angst

so i decided to do the same with my blog...i have lots of spare time so i started at the beginning...and i laughed the entire way through...this sounds like a completely different person then myself...and i started to ask myself have i changed for the better or for the worse...have i been a positive influence on my friends or have i been a thorn...have i been able to better myself or have i gone too far off my path...it was easy going reading until i got to this past school year...not much was written but what was said still hurts...or is still a fresh wound...which by now should have gone...but i can't get past it

at the same time that i was writing in the relient k book i started the license plate game...you start by seeing 000 then 111 and so on and so forth...and a pattern started...000 started the game on the way to the ABC youth retreat that friends and i were playing music for...that weekend started the 'maybe i want to do this for the rest of my life thought'...111 i saw on the way to picking up flowers for a past girlfriend...222 i saw in a movie 20 mins before being broken up with...333 i saw this past august when i was coming to school...and a saw it as a year of oppurtunity...cuz it was the first car i saw off the plane...444 i saw my grad day...555 i saw a couple mins after a friend asked me what i wanted from CREW and i said all i want is to find out what i want...i'm not a believer in predestination...but this game has been around for a lot of key moments in my life...and maybe it's all just been coincidence...but when i saw the 555 yesterday i immediately thought back the when isaw the other ones...and ir reminds of how i got here

in my athletic high school days i was a believer in the 'suffer in silence' policy...your ankle hurts you finish out your shift...you have a cramp you push harder...i've continued that motto into a lot of aspects of my life...and i'm finding it a damaging aspect when it comes to relationships...and i find myself a hypocrite when i tell people that they don't have to hide from me i'll always be there for them...and ask them to tell me the hardships that are going on in their lives...when i wouldn't open up to them...to those people i'm sorry...for ever making you feel guilty for not talking to me...to those relationships i've had...i'm sorry i never told you what was going on in my head...you had every right to know...and it's because of that that i failed each and every one of you...you deserved better

here ends part one

song of the moment: what hurts the most by rascal flatts
quote of the day: how much life is wasted in waiting?-professor oxely

thank you come again
stay clean kids

Having No Words

2008-04-23T20:16:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in 2 and a half months...i've sat down and typed things out before but in end they never get posted...the thoughts seem not even random but incoherent to myself...so why now? why decide now that i will type these words and leave them for you to read...i don't know but i felt it was about time...

the months have not been easy...it's been a rollercoaster for myself...not only with constantly having highs and lows but feelings of being pushed forward and pulled backwards...why does she do this to me...it's not easy with the uncertainty that life has become...i've usually been the optimist...don't worry you'll figure it out...you'll find something you're great at...you'll find someone...is it now all just a fairy tale?...

i read a play...you might be asking yourself 'Actually does school work?' and yes i did...i read 'waiting for godot' and one of the thoughts that came up in class was that it was a look at life...you constantly are sitting and waiting for something to happen...for someone to show up...but it never happens...and they never come...you stand in the same place day after day...and all you have is that person doing the same thing...that person to hold you up...

decisions need to be made then in the effort to not stand still...to become the thing that happens or the person that shows up...for someone else...but decisions to not come easy to those that do not embrace change...i'd much rather stay nice and warm in my shell then become exposed to the elements for fear of falling and getting hurt...maybe we should never have left the sweet comforts of the nest...maybe...

But we do and we walk on our own...in uncertain and uncharted lands...but it does not feel like an adventure...it feels frightening, dark, and bitter...maybe i should return to my shell...she won't get me there...

as i choose my song of the moment i scan my cd collection...trying to find that one song that best describes my state right now...it doesn't come right away...but as i look over the artists i find it

Song of the Moment: Misunderstood by Dream Theater...how do i feel abandoned even though the world surrounds me?

thank you come again
stay clean kids...screws fall out everyday the world's an imperfect place

2008-02-04T18:09:00.000-08:00

i walk a road...i've walked it since the day i was born and will continue to walk this road til the day i die...every once in awhilei stop on the road to look around...and i notice that the scenery has changed since last i stopped to look...sure some things remain similar but never exactly the same...a taint or scratch will mar a once familiar scene...but now i stop and look and there is a blur...it's as if the steps i've taken and the steps to be taken are merging...

a battle is fought between my future self and my past self...on the one hand my past self wants to continue the way things have always gone in my life...cuz that self is afraid to change...it looks at change as conforming to the way people say life goes...my future self wants change...wants something new to thrive on because if the past was so good then it would have continued into the present and into the future or would not be the past at all...but it is...2 sides constantly pulling for different results...and the one being torn is the present...

i'm torn between the romantic and the cynic...telling myself that 'once upon a times' are kept for children but 'happily ever after' is up for grabs...it's like watching the world through rose coloured glasses that aren't my prescription...and still i stand between being the man i want to be and the boy that wants to live in never neverland...change my scenery

song of the moment: Hey Jude by The Beatles

thank you come again
stay clean kids...cuz there are a lot of potholes in the road ahead

2008-01-11T21:43:00.000-08:00

How many times can i be hit before i get knocked down...how many times knocked down before i lose the fight...how many fights do i lose before i quit...how many times before i win a round...how many times before i win a fight

i feel like i'm continuously uprooted...should it always be this way...all i want is to find a spot to put my roots once and for all...no more games...no more shots...but maybe that's asking too much

maybe...

song of the moment: rough draft by yellowcard

thank you come again
stay clean kids

Happy New Year?

2008-01-05T21:06:00.000-08:00

i went to bed and everything was ok it was 2008...a year of promise...a year that had not yet opened itself to me...a year of oppurtunity...i woke up and i took a shot to the chest that i was unprepared for

this year that was supposed to be the year of me finally getting all this shit figured out is going to end up being like all the rest...another trek through the mud that seems to be endless to me...oh why does this have to happen to me...don't i deserve a break...don't i get an excape...or am i still being punished for past mistakes

all of my resolutions have already been broken...so i have a new one...not to let this year end up like all the rest

song of the moment: Prayer of the Refugee by Rise Against

thank you come again
stay clead kids...cuz this year has lots of dirt to dish out

One Song

2007-12-30T21:10:00.000-08:00

I've written it...the song that i've been trying to write for years now...it's out and it's done...and even after all the waiting for it to get out...i'm conflicted over it for two reasons

On the one hand i've been trying for this song to come out...now that it is it feels like this huge weight has been lifted off of me...i feel free to go on to writing more and more...and it's become a lot easier to sit and write new lyrics now that this is finally resolved...and it wasn't that the topic was hard to write on it was the confrontation within me stopping myself...so on the one hand it feels great to have it out there

On the other hand...this might not be recieved well...by any audience...it's one thing for my feelings for me to out but it's another to display them like dirty laundry for all the neighbours to see...i'm going to be asked and i know it now...and i don't know if i'll lie...just pass it off or fess up and be open...i wish i could figure it out...but i have until songwriter's to think about that part...cuz that's the debut...cuz if i'm going to put it out there i might as well get the biggest soap box i can find

Song of the Moment: the entire album from Meat Loaf called 'Couldn't Have Said it Better'...ask to borrow...chapter one

Thank You Come Again
Stay Clean Kids...but never forget the dirt that got you to where you are...it might not have all been bad

Can't Write You

2007-12-09T22:40:00.000-08:00

i can't sit down and just write a song...it's never worked for me and probably never will...if i try and force it the song just rings false and untrue to how i actually feel...i've been going through the worst phase of writer's block in my entire life...but this phase has lasted 3 years...and now i know why

i can't write you...i can't put the pencil to paper enough to describe how i feel...and it always leaves me puzzled and confused...is it the story or the history...is it that i'm afraid that everyone will hear it and see through me...or is that no song i write would do any justice

i can't put the words together well enough to even try...everytime i get the feeling to write a song...i sit and do everything i would usually do to write it...but then the words and melodies never come and i'll sit there for hours and try and nothing will ever come out that's of any use...why?

Song of the Moment- Name by the Goo Goo Dolls...'i won't tell'em your name'

thank you come again
stay clean kids

2007-11-29T09:39:00.000-08:00

Where do you see yourself in the next 10 years...how about the next 5...next year...do you have an answer if you do then congratulations you are one of the few that has a clue...i can't tell you right now what is in my future

Is that weird to not know...you'd think a plan would be in place...or a brief outline...and i guess that i have that but the question is how far off that outline am i going to go...how long do i put off becoming a pastor before i just don't do it

All i can say is what i want...and i just want to be happy...which is a lot when you think about it...i want to be a dad...i want a family...i want to see my kids grow up...i can remember my dad turning to me in the car once on the way to basketball and saying 'everything i've done is so that you could grow up to live a better life then i had'...and all i want is what my dad had nothing more nothing less...give me a kid that's trouble like i am

where do i see myself...i don't know...is all God's plan or is it my choices that get me where i am to be...if it is God's plan then why is it so painful...why is it so hard to figure it out...is all the pain to teach us something...or is it that we screw up that we receive this pain...and if it's not God's plan can i say a little prayer to get a little help...all i want is a little assurance

Song of the Moment: Globes and Maps by Something Corporate...cuz hopefully this road leads me back...to the one i was once on

Thank you come again
Stay Clean Kids...cuz no one knows what the future holds

Life in Music

2007-11-28T11:50:00.000-08:00

When I was born, they looked at me and said
what a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.
And when you were born, they looked at you and said,
what a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl.

At birth we're all the same...we are a wonder...an endless possibility of promise...we can do no wrong...the world is our oyster

We've got these chains that hang around our necks,
people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same,
when temptation calls, we just look away.

But soon these notions of right and wrong are placed upon us...and we are expected to take them at face value...we have no idea that we get to do it ourselves...take our own first steps without being forced into them...but we all have that moment of wanting to go forward but afraid of what the darkness holds for us

This name is the hairshirt I wear,
and this hairshirt is woven from your brown hair.
This song is the cross that I bear,
bear it with me, bear with me, bear with me,
be with me tonight,
I know that it isn't right, but be with me tonight.

All we want is to have someone there with us to bear it...ease our pain...and finding that someone is painful and is never easy but all we want is someone to be there when we cry so they can wipe our tears...and to be there to share our laughter

I go to school, I write exams,
if I pass, if I fail, if I drop out,
does anyone give a damn?
And if they do, they'll soon forget 'cause it won't take much for me
to show my life ain't over yet.
I wake up scared, I wake up strange.
I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change.
I wake up scared, I wake up strange
and everything around me stays the same.

School does not equip us to live our lives...our experiences are what enable us to go forward...school is just a good stomping ground for learning...and maybe some classes as well...we fall into ruts and we want to move forward but there again is the darkness laughing at us...cuz it knows our weaknesses

I couldn't tell you that I was wrong,
chickened out, grabbed a pen and paper, sat down and I wrote this song.
I couldn't tell you that you were right,
so instead I looked in the mirror,
watched TV, laid awake all night.

we all make mistakes...some that we will regret for all of time...others we'll forget the next day...but these are things that have to be dealt with and moved past...life doesn't wait for us while we're stuck in regret...i can't say what's easier...saying 'i'm sorry' or 'i forgive you'

We've got these chains, hang 'round our necks,
people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same when temptation calls ...

Life is not meant to be watched it's meant to be lived...when life knocks you down you get back up and show you won't just take it...you show life you you're willing to fight for what you want...and you keep going no matter how many times it knocks you down

When I was born, they looked at me and said;
What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.
And when you were born, they looked at you and said;
what a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl, hey

cuz in the end we're all the same...and looking for the same things

Song of the Moment: What a Good Boy by The Barenaked Ladies

Thank you come again
stay clean kids...thanks for still being here

the words that can't be said

2007-11-26T23:20:00.000-08:00

i want to tell you everything will be alright...but i can't
i want to tell you that your friend's love and will always be here for you...but i can't
i want to try and put a smile back on your face...but i can't
i want to say so many things but the words won't come...and i can't

life is not a roller coaster...where you go up and down but stay on the tracks...there are no tracks...there is but one thing to stabilize yourself...and that's God...which sometimes doesn't feel like much...life is like that demolition derby where you spin and lose vision because of the mud and just when you stop you get hit again and start spinning all over

i want to hold you...but i can't
I want to reassure you...but i can't
i want to wipe your eyes...but i can't
but i can't...but i can't

80 some days...

2007-11-22T19:34:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted here in 80 some days...why you might ask the reason is simple...i needed to make sure that my blog was no longer being read...or at least just checked as often as it once was...cuz the last few months have been hard and my mind has never stopped spinning as fast as it is still now...i needed an outlet and my guitar and this page is it...but what i'm going to talk about from here on in is me...the way my mind works what i think and all of that other good stuff that i try and keep to myself...cuz i laugh on the outside while on the inside is something completely different

i have a problem with relationship...i push them away i don't let them in...i don't want people to see me...cuz i've worked so hard for people to see the outside that everyone likes that i'm in constant fear that 'I' might come out...oh there have been glimpses and slip ups but never of 'me' all the time...i can only recall 2 where i haven't been afraid...and unfortunately for me i'm doing it now...and i'd almost be lying if i said i didn't want to be

they say that if people really are your friends they won't care and love you for who you are...but what if they don't like the person they see what if everything they have come to know is a lie and they want nothing to do with me...i've been trying to slowly open up and get past all this to certain people just to see...and it hasn't been bad but it hasn't exactly been reassuring either

i think that's enough for one night...be back soon...to those that still live when hearts have grown cold and minds that still dream though weary and old

Song of the Moment: Nothing Special by IllScarlett

Thank you come again
stay clean kids...cuz the dirt on the outside is easy to get off

Only to Me

2007-08-31T00:20:00.000-07:00

'Only to you coud that happen to'...was recently said to me by a friend...and upon thinking about it it's completely true...only to a person such as myself can such a rollercoaster exist...and you know what i won't change a bit of it...don't get me wrong it's not all good...but it's not all bad either and the good outweighs the bad...all the stuff and crap and bullocks i've gone through have only made me a better person...well at least i think so...some people i'm sure would disagree...for instance

finding a drawer full of women's underwear in Founders...yeah that's an interesting moment in time believe me...but i get to laugh about it now...actually i think i laughed about it then too...only i get called up on a special day to be told i could be there as the main event and then hung up on...thank God for that one...sigh of relief goes here...lol...but i'll take all of it...cuz really it makes an awesome story to tell

a wrote a song last year for songwriter's talking about my struggles in life and how i put too much of it on myself and don't trust God but you know what when you fall over and can't go anymore He's there for you...and to those that ask for His help you shall receive...i still can't listen to the recorded version of that song...but anywho...a friend said to me 'you're smiling a lot more' and it's true cuz i don't just see a small narrow road that i have to walk alone and if i trip i go over the edge...i see wide expanse...no road and i don't walk it alone and i never will there will always be one with me...and it's up to me what point in the horizon i walk towards and make my adventure...want to come with?

song of the moment: My Way- Eric Moffett...i didn't name this song actually...it had no title until after my set i sat down and looked over and saw what a friend of mine had wrote and it's stuck in my head ever since...so that's how it got it's name

thank you come again
stay clean kids...or get a little dirt on you...it makes for better laughs later

Trust and Honesty

2007-08-02T09:53:00.000-07:00

So i sit here and wonder to myself...what are the two things that i value most in my friendships/relationships...and the answer is trust and honesty

When i was younger and by younger i mean i still do it now is make up stories that about my life just to make it more interesting...so i don't become just another face in the crowd...another person that will be forgotten once people have moved on...i can say i do it much less now then i did then...but that doesn't make it any better...and i still lie to people i love and that hurts me more than them...so to the people i've lied to i'm sorry

Trust is something that i give out automatically...you have my trust until you do something that shows you don't deserve it...but it's also something that i have a large problem with...cuz i give it out so freely and i assume to myself that people won't break it...but we're human and it happens and in the end i'm left with questions

Like how in hell can i ask for someone to trust and be honest with me if i know i can't do it back?...how can i sit here and tell myself that next time will be different when i know then that i'm lying to myself?

I've tried for so long to be someone that's outside of the box...someone that people want to look up to...and i'm a fraud for trying a lot of the time...cuz i know that at the end of the day i'm just another face in the crowd...indiscriminate from all the others...another blur as you drive down the street

i don't know why i wrote this cuz i don't think many read this anymore...mostly cuz i haven't written in 2 months...but it feels better saying it and being honest...cuz i don't want to lie anymore...i don't want to hurt because of lies...

Song of the Moment: Free Bird by Lynard Skynard...i love this song...i air guitar the 6 minute solo in the shower...i'm not supposed to tell you that...but some sing...some air guitar i do both

Thank you come again
Stay Clean Kids...Do not point out the plank in your brother's eye until you have taken the log out of yours...or something like that

Home Again

2007-05-28T20:31:00.001-07:00

so it's been 48 days since my last post...which is the longest stint without one in the history of my blog...and i apologize to the readers for this...i don't know how you survived...and to the everyone you're probably thinking 'oh God i thought he was finally done'...well no...i'm still here...Miss me?...anyways

i've been home now for 20 days...on the nose to the hour...and it hasn't been bad mostly lazing around and doing as little productive work as possible...shocker...i didn't think so...anyways...The Ducks just won game of the Stanley Cup...to Lady Choco, Chief, Vagabond and Denek...HAHAHAHAHAHA...one down three to go...i figure i'll get my punchs in while i can...lol

That's the great thing about pro sports isn't it...your team wins and you feel like you have the right to make fun of everyone else that lost...you did nothing...you sat on the couch, drank beer, ate snack foods...and you get to make fun of all your friends for it...when really i'm just cheering for a team i fell in love with for the Disney movies...oh Goldberg...how you won me over...cough...anywho

upside to summer...summer blockbuster RECORDS...that's right nor movies but CDs...most great CDs come out during the summer...unlike the downside to summer...which is movie sequels...so the first 2,3,4 made lots of money that doesn't mean you get to shove more of it down my throat...geez...although i will say Pirates was good...but there are 5 others that i can think of the top of my head that will be dissappointments...apparently hollywood is out of movie ideas...but we knew that after hilary duff and lindsay lohan started making them...when ashlee simpson stars in a movie i'm done...i'll boycott the theater

Song of the Moment: Rule 76 by Amber Pacific...fully instrumental so good hits you right here...you can't see where i'm pointing but i'll let you figure that out...hey not down there you sickoes...lol

Thank you come again
Stay clean kids...one game down 3 to go...ah i can almost taste the victory now...GO DUCKS GO